The following four videos are important to understanding not only the roots of addiction but also (and perhaps more importantly) the ability to heal and move on from active addiction to recovery. The videos are of varying lengths, but I suggest setting aside a few hours (perhaps an hour a week over a month) to watch, reflect, and discuss the videos.
Before you watch…
Robert Ryan, MSS, LCSW, MBA (presenter of the third video below) writes the following pre-viewing guidance.
1) You may remember abuse and neglect you endured as a child and think it was your fault. It wasn’t.
It’s normal to think the abuse and neglect was your fault as well as other thoughts in this section for some time after you start your recovery.
2) You may remember abuse and neglect you endured as a child and feel it as if it is happening now. It isn’t. The childhood abuse and neglect you endured is over. If you have strong, adverse reactions while viewing any of the videos, please breathe and ask for support.
3) You may think there is something inherently wrong with you because you have an addiction and/or mental health diagnosis. There isn’t.
4) You may feel inclined to harshly judge yourself about the way you have treated, thought about, and/or talked about others, including your children. The latest research supports the concept that you did the best you could with what you were given, and that such judgments are not helpful for change.
5) Similarly, your parents / caregivers did the best they could with what they were given. This is not intended to deny anger you might be feeling. Please work with your therapist to express it safely.
6) You may think you have been irreparably damaged as a result of your adverse childhood experiences. The latest research contains evidence that change and recovery are possible. Please use the information in these videos to be understanding and gentle with yourself as well as focused on your recovery.
Mutual Aid Support Groups
For family members seeking their own help dealing with a loved ones’ struggle with addiction, please check out the “Anon” group associated with your loved ones addiction. Check out our 12 Step listing‘s “For the Family” section for more information about these special groups that end “Anon” like Al-Anon, S-Anon, Narc-Anon.
The Videos:
Follow up discussion topics:
- What can I/we do to ensure the addict in our life feels like Alfred does — surrounded by warmth and community and not isolation?
- Bob Ryan’s presentation shows us that the brain damage caused by adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) is repairable through the process that we call recovery. What does that mean to us and our loved ones?
- Evidence shows that we do the best we can with what we are given. The same was true for our parents. This means that a loved one’s addiction and related behaviors and actions are not our fault, even though we may ask ourselves “Is there something we missed? could have done?” When we have these thoughts, how can we reinforce the fact that we did our best and what matters now is the present and what we can do right now to help ourselves and others?